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Having a child with Asperger's Disorder (AS) can be a fascinating journey, but it is also likely to be frustrating at times. It is vitally important for parents of children with Asperger's Disorder to understand that their child's perception of the world is uniquely different from their own. It is extremely easy to engage in power struggles. This only leads to frustration, anger, and disappointment on both the parent and the child's part. If you are involved in a power struggle with your child, it is likely that you will lose. So it becomes necessary to learn how to identify power struggles and to not engage in them. Because one person cannot convince or force another person to stop talking, to eat, to be still, to drink, or to move, there is no point in engaging in that battle. And, children with Asperger's or children on the upper end of the Autism Spectrum Scale often engage in these conflicts and seem to enjoy it.
Structure and consistency are both immensely important in parenting any child- much less, one with Asperger's or one who falls on the ASD scale. Providing structure leads to predictability, and being consistent results in the child learning to follow the rules and that when you say 'no', 'no' means 'no'. It is also essential to have a good balance between being consistent and structured, and still teaching the child to deal with change and to cope with changes in routine. This ability to adapt is often lacking in children with Asperger's. They tend to prefer a rigid routine. This rigidity is evident in their cognitive processes, in their behavior, and in the rituals they establish. Children with Asperger's often want things done in the same way, at the same time, and in the same sequence. So, while providing extreme structure may mean that life is much more simple, it also is most certainly beneficial to gradually, and gently nudge AS children out of their comfort zones, and to teach them to use positive self-talk and to help them cope with the anxiety that change brings.
One of the most effective ways to deal with change is by using positive self talk. This involves telling yourself-and teaching your child say to himself or herself-"I can do this. I can tolerate this. I can be successful with this. I am FINE!" Positive self-talk gives a child the words and the belief that he or she can, indeed, tolerate the change, which is imperative to his or her functioning. Because we tell ourselves what to feel, it is crucial to remind ourselves that we can cope. Both modeling this for our AS child and practicing it during non-stressful times will increase his or her ability to successfully use this skill when needed.
Another symptom of those with Asperger's Disorder involves their lack of awareness of the subtle queues and issues that are present in our culture, especially in a social context. There are many unwritten and unspoken 'rules' which we all follow. When we think about eye contact, personal space, introductions to other people, small talk, and answering questions, there are many norms and rules to follow that we don't always specifically teach. Or, that we don't continue to teach to children as they become older, which is necessary with the AS child. There are so many pitfalls and so many ways for these children to appear even more obviously 'different' because the AS child often doesn't learn these social behaviors. Therefore, it is fundamentally important to teach children with Asperger's Disorder, through a skills based program, all of those "how to, s" which include such things as how to properly introduce themselves, how to appropriately make small talk (by role-playing), and to understand that when the grocery clerk asks "How are you?" he or she is not really asking 'how you are', and the appropriate response is "Fine" or "Very well, and how are you?"
Another area that can cause a great deal of conflict for a child with Asperger's is learning that there are some questions to which there is only one correct answer. For example: When a woman or a girl asks the question "How do I look?" there is only one right answer. And, that one right answer is "Wonderful!" Or when asked the question, "Do you like my new haircut?" Again, there is only one right answer. Or, "Do I look fat in these clothes?" Yet again, there is only one right answer to this question (And if you don't know the correct answer, you may want to take an Asperger's questionnaire!).
The child with Asperger's, because he or she is very straight-forward, typically responds in a very honest manner. Most children with AS experience great difficulty with lying and manipulating. Now, in the grand scheme of things, this is a good thing because being honest and up-front is generally a wonderfully desirable character trait. However, it can certainly get you into a lot of trouble if you are completely honest with particular questions that occur within the context of a relationship. Example: A child made the comment "Your cooking sucks, Grandma!" while seated at Grandma's table for Easter Sunday dinner-with about 20 guests present. Now, his statement was, indeed, true. Her cooking was terrible; however, it is extremely socially inappropriate to make such a comment. AS Children, or even adults, for that matter, will often argue their point by saying, "But, it's true! And, yes, it is true; however, it is still inappropriate and hurtful to say.
There is another hazard that can occur within the new relationships of the child, the adolescent, or the young adult with Asperger's Disorder. Learning to interact within a close personal relationship can be a difficult lesson. For example: A guy asks a girl, "What would you like for Valentine's Day?" The girl answers, "Oh, nothing, you know, it's fine." She really doesn't mean "nothing." She really means "You better cough up the right thing, it better be exactly what I like, and you better spend the right amount of money - because this expresses how much you care about me!" The way to address these issues is through a skills based program. Practicing the correct responses, role-playing the various scenarios, and expanding the scenarios/roles are all good examples of the skills used to build the program necessary for the individual with Asperger's to grow socially.
A tremendous amount of situation-specific role-playing is necessary for individuals with Asperger's Disorder and their families. This is especially true because AS individuals are often quite literal and concrete. They tend take things very literally. This can mean they often get their feelings hurt quite easily, or they take things in an overly personal way. Additionally, they may present as socially awkward as a result of having taken statements or gestures literally, which were not meant to be taken as such. So again, practicing and expanding their repertoire of socially appropriate responses, is of utmost importance.
Thanks To : Easter Product Store
